If i could tip my vagina, i would.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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