At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We're too hungover to prance.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
