erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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