In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize