Don't you send me to vm
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
