the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize