dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
