I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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