I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize