and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
