I puked a lego.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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