He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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