my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
