you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Drunk is not a location!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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