Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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