I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
