My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
