I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We got so high we made milksteak
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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