Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
