Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
