Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
