why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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