I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
