it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
