Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Please, let me fuck your mom
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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