Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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