What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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