While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
