I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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