It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
