Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
