why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
