One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize