I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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