i just had sex bonerless
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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