You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
where are my eyebrows?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
