Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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