the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
