My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
