My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
What happened to fro yo and sex?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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