Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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