You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
