Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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