So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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