Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
