the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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