I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
