I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
