There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
