Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
