tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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