YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Let's get the cat blown out
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
