Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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