It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize