Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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