Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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