what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
being pregnant is like rehab
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
