Kiss
Puke
People with herpes should wear stickers.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
