im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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