i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
