we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sext me about skeletons
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
