He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize