so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Randomize
