apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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