i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
