Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
