Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
