I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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