I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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