Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
