you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
is that a dick in a sweater?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
