so explain again why im purple
no
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
