I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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