idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
