I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
