we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
