i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize