You just made me feel so damn special
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
