I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
