I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
